Time to get real.

I have been floundering lately. I am doing much better in the exercise department , not so much in the food category. I signed up for Weight Watchers Online and will start counting points in the morning. My husband and I will probably start trying to have a baby in a year so I really need to focus on being healthy. I feel like I have battled my weight my whole life. I wake up every day and think maybe today will be the day that I am freed from obsessions from food. That day hasn't come yet. I just think way too much about food and exercise, way more than a normal person would. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind most days. My goal is to eat three meals a day with only fruits or vegatables in between and to count points. I will also exercise minimum 3 times a week. I have gained about 10 pounds in the last year. This is not outrageous but I know it can quickly escalate. I also feel uncomfortable in my clothes and I feel like my gut is huge. There's a quote that I like: "Never trade what you want at the moment for what you want the most." What I want most is to be healthy and fit. I don't care about being a size 4 or 6. I just wanna be energetic and healthy. Right now I feel obese and blubbery. I have faith that God will help me in my endeavor to lose weight.

Tough Times Ahead!!

Wow, have I been struggling lately. I have not been exercising as much as I normally do. I have also been eating like I am preparing for a famine to hit. This equals tight pants. I have been making myself journal my food whether or not it is good. I am having a lot of difficulty fitting exercise in. When I get home from work, I have to cook, help Grayson with homework, and clean house. By the end of the day, I'm ready to take a bath and chill. I am a little nervous about the upcoming holidays. I love being off but it is not good for my eating plan. I have been trying to eat like a normal person . I have learned that the more I obsess over what I eat, the more I eat. I read somewhere that thin people do not treat hunger as an emergency, they know the feeling will pass. I do treat hunger as an emergency. I am afraid of hunger, I always have been. I'm not sure why. My goal for the next week is just to learn to be hungry sometimes and realize that it will not kill me. I don't mean starve myself. I just mean feeling the hunger and learning it will be ok. My body was made to move and I need to learn to listen to it and give it good food that it craves but just enough to nourish it. I may sound insane to the normal eater and in some ways, I am. But I am a compulsive overeater and these are the things I deal with on a daily basis.

Lessons Learned

My day started out great. I had a nice bowl of Fiber One cereal and Milk and 2 cups of coffee. It went awry when I stopped by CVS on the way to work and thought Peanut Butter M&M's would be a good idea. I then proceeded to eat various Skittles and Starburst. Lunch was good: Chicken Tortilla Soup, Wheat Thins and a fruit cup. I had a Doubleshot Light at 2:30. Another bad idea was eating some of Grayson's Cheetos in the car. For dinner I had 2 slices of Barbecue Chicken Pizza and a glass of milk. So the lesson I learned is one I already knew. Sugar is a trigger food for me and I cannot control myself when I have it. My goal for this week is no eating between meals. I would like to have my eating under control by Thanksgiving.

Food Journal

I think I need to be held accountable for what I eat. I think it would be a good idea for me to post what I eat daily on here. It is quite possible that no one will ever read this but it will be helpful all the same. Today, I have had a bad day but I will forgive myself and move on. Tomorrow, I will begin posting my food diary, the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Struggling

I am a compulsive overeater who has lost and regained quite a lot of weight in my lifetime. In the last 2 years, I have lost about 80 pounds but I still very much struggle with overeating. I have recently began regaining some weight and this has wrecked havoc on me mentally. I know the foods I should avoid but like a lamb being led to the slaughter, I eat them anyway. I am currently working the 12 steps of Overeaters Anonymous. I am trying to regain the healthy diet and exercise habits that I have had in the past. Anyway, this will chronicle my journey to abstain from my trigger foods, no matter how painful that may be. The 1st step is admitting I am powerless over food and that my life has become unmanageable. My life in a food sense has become unmanageable but I know God will deliver me.